Ha ha ha I didn't understand half of that... translation please? ha ha ha
Translation from English into Canadian
Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond her control, my Mother was not able to teach me to speak correctly, nor was she able to send me to a Public (Private elsewhere other than the U.K.) School. On the odd days I did attend school it was just a mere comprehensive one, where English was not really an issue, any more than maths, spelling and other such academic subjects. I was not really of a mind to attend anyway and spent many, many days playing truant from school. My favorite place being the pool hall, where I received a quite different form of education, guaranteed to set me on the wrong side of the tracks.
The result of all this misspent youth was a complete and utter failure to grasp even the most rudimentary basics of the English Language.
The only advice and help I received was to mend my ways, otherwise the lovely gentlemen of the British Police Force would come after me, armed no doubt with batons, to arrange free accommodation at Her Majesty's Hotel, Wormwood Scrubs. (A prison in the U.K. for anyone who needs to know).
I do sincerely apologize for de-railing this thread.