How to Photograph a Puppy
- Remove film from box and load camera.
- Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
- Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
- Choose suitable background for photo.
- Mount camera on tripod and focus.
- Find puppy and take dirty sock out of the mouth.
- Place puppy in prefocused spot and return to camera.
- Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
- Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with the other hand.
- Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
- Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
- Put magazines back on coffee table.
- Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
- Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
- Jump up in time to grab puppy by the scruff of the neck and say "No..outside!"
- Call someone to help clean up the mess.
- Sit back in chair for deep breathing and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" first thing next morning.