Giving Unsolicited Advice

[brody_smom]

I've mentioned before that my new neighbors adopted a new puppy, and on the same day, I found an older puppy abandoned in the park. The second puppy was taken in by my other neighbors beside the ones with the new puppy. I can see and hear how they are going about living with these pups, and I know they are doing a lot of things "wrong". The ones with the young puppy also have a toddler, and I can hear her reprimanding the toddler for being rough with the puppy or taking her toys. I can also hear her reprimanding the puppy for things I can't see or hear through our fence, but I know they don't have a crate for the puppy, and it sounds like the mom leaves the pup and the toddler outside alone sometimes. Both of these families have owned dogs before and the dad of the toddler has a relative who trains security dogs. How do I suggest to them that there are better ways of training young dogs than the ways they probably grew up with? They know I have a fearful dog, but haven't even met him because of his issues. So how do I give them advice if they don't really respect me as a knowledgeable dog owner?

 

[threenorns]

don't equate knowledge with practice.

me, for example - i can train anyone into better fitness and a fabulous body but i'm a train wreck to look at.

how many doctors do you know that lecture you on quitting smoking even while you're looking at the nicotine stains on their fingers?

if you have a relationship with them, go head and broach the subject. you can even say something like "you're so lucky you're starting with a fresh new puppy - this stuff is so much harder when it's a dog that came complete with a matching set of baggage".

i would far rather be told to "mind my own f--g business" than to be in the position of "i really really should've said something - maybe it wouldn't have happened".

i have jumped in a few times - sheba is an akita mix (BIG dog... BIG BIG dog!) and her owner has chronic lower back injury from broken vertebrae. he hobbles along with a cane and when she pulls, he really hurts him. he was getting right vicious with her and was considering getting a shock collar. we had a conversation, i made some suggestions, and things are much better now.

 

[southerngirl]

Example
You see them yelling at their pup because she peed in the house
You "Brody had the same problem. He always peed in the house and it was so annoying, nothing I did worked. Finally I found out that you have to take them out every 30min.(it depends on the size of the dog) and after they eat or drink. If he didn't go when I took him out he had to be in crated and we would try again. I was so relieved that it worked."
Them "really I'll have to try that"
Even if Brody never had that problem say that he did, mention that you tried punishing but it didn't work.

 

[brody_smom]

Part of the problem is that I can hear things through our fence that separates our back yards, but the fence is too high to see over. Because of the puppy, they spend almost all of the time back there, so I would have to intentionally go over to their house to offer advice where they haven't asked for it. Either that or talk to them through the privacy fence, which also feels like an invasion of privacy, as if I am eavesdropping on them. Before they got the puppy, they used to be out in the front all the time, so we got to chatting fairly often. They've only been in the house since the end of June, so I don't know them really well.

 

[threenorns]

you know what? that's actually really easy: when you hear them, start laughing and call over "omg, does that ever bring back memories! you should've heard ME when i was going through this phase with my dog!"

that should tell them that a) you know how they feel, b) you are not being judgmental, c) you probably have a solution, and d) you probably don't mind sharing it.