Just to make you laugh

Discussion in 'Off-Topic & Chit Chat' started by yvonne, Mar 4, 2009.

  1. yvonne Well-Known Member

    I found this and couldn't resist posting it. I cried I laughed so much

    The Gym ..

    A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
    If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

    Dear Diary,
    For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

    Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

    I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

    My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

    ________________________________
    MONDAY:
    Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

    Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

    Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

    ________________________________
    TUESDAY:
    I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

    _______________________________
    WEDNESDAY:
    The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

    Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

    My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other sh** too.

    _______________________________
    THURSDAY:
    Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

    He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.

    Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
    _________________________________
    FRIDAY:
    I hate that b****** Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

    Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

    The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

    ________________________________
    SATURDAY:
    Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

    ________________________________
    SUNDAY:
    I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!! :msngiggle:

  2. jackienmutts Honored Member

    I couldn't even finish reading the end for a minute cuz I was laughing so hard and I had tears running down my face! I had to wipe my eyes. One of my dogs came in to see what the deal was, I was coming unglued!! Just too funny!!
  3. snooks Experienced Member

    Giggle...I too was LOL. Dogs looking at me weird. See she has gone nuts I tell ya.

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