A drunk man is in a bar with his dog. He has no money for more drinks so he says to the bartender if my dog will play the piano and sing will you give me a drink?
Bartender says sure, If you can get your dog to sing and play the piano I will be happy to give you a drink.
So the dog goes to the piano and plays yankee doodle dandy and sings it as well.
The bartender is amazed and gives the guy a drink.
A few minutes later the drunk says I also have a frog in my pocket, if my dog plays the piano and the frog sings an opera song will you give me a whole bottle ?
The bartender says, sure this I gotta see, a frog that sings opera.
So the guy puts the frog on top of the piano and the dog plays an opera song and in a loud voice the frog sings an opera song.
The bartender is amazed and gives the drunk a whole bottle of wiskey.
A few minutes later a man passes by the drunk and offers the drunk a half million dollars for the frog. The drunk accepts the money and gives the guy the frog.
The bartender waits for the buyer to leave and comes to the drunk and says: " you are a fool, you could have made millions off that frog".
The drunk says, dont worry, my dog is a ventriloquist.
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part... did you get...?"