I know exactly what you mean, MaryK. In the first year after my Shane passed away, I had a really hard time. I missed him so, so much. I was doubting weather we had made the right choise to let him go. I cried my eyes out every time I looked at his pictures.
I had the weirdest dream three times... We were already looking for a puppy and had a hard time finding the right breeder.
In my dream, Shane came to me, led me up three steps(we don't have that), he showed me three dogs(not clearly visible but silhouttes) and then I would wake up with the words "it's ok" in my head. And I would feel relieved and very sure that he agreed with my decission to let him go. Each time I had this dream, I had gone through a terribel time, missing him. Something that puzzled me was that he showed me three dogs, in three dreams.
Now I am not a strong believer in these kind of things, but I am open to it.
And looking back.... Jinx her breeder was the third breeder, I contacted, the third litter. Now I don't know if she was born third, but I wouldn't be surprised.
And I am convinced, that he led me to her. Sounds strange, but The first time I saw her, she was only one week old. And I fell in love with her right there and then.
I didn't make the final decision, until she was 6 weeks old, but in my heart I knew.
Anyway, I know Shane is still with me. It doesn't happen so often anymore, but I sometimes see him coming down the stairs.
Anneke, I know just what you mean. And yes Shane did let you know he was fine and you'd made the right decision. And I wouldn't mind betting she was the third born either.
Oh yes, Shane led you to her that's for sure. When I lost Tiger Lily, I was a mess (well always am after loosing a loved animal) and I KNOW she led me to Rakins. I was looking for a female dog not a male and also a NO KILL shelter. I took forever to find one here in South Australia, Moorook Animal Shelter where Rakins came from is the ONLY ONE which is no kill. I surfed their site and had a list a mile long of 'possibles'. My only criteria was they had to be good with cats as I couldn't upset my two gals. Then one night, crying my eyes out, I signed their guest book. Briefly, I said I had just lost my beautiful Tiger Lily and was looking for another dog. Next morning, checked my emails and one caught my eye, thought it maybe spam at first but something stopped me hitting the delete icon.
It was from the shelter and the lady said they had a new puppy just arrived, way to young for shelter life, no photo as yet and she didn't even know if the puppy was male or female (she lives in Adelaide around three hours from the shelter and was/is their webmistress). I just KNEW that pup was mine. She started with it may be too soon then went on to tell me about Rakins 'history'. He was born wild, been captured by the pound. The lady who runs the shelter 'rescued' him and well, the rest is history

.
I did get two photos before he arrived and a lot about him, that he was divine etc. and quiet (he still is a quiet chap). We decided on his name and he KNEW his name after being with me about 10 minutes. The lady who runs the shelter was amazed and commented on that fact.
I know full well Tiger Lily led me to him, and also helped arrange it so he arrived home before my partner, who was adamant that there were not going to be any more dogs - fat chance I never listened
And yes, I still see and feel both Tiger Lily and Jacques, who also sent the message to me that if ever I need help or needed strength, to call on him and he would help. He's done that for me that's for sure
With Jacques, I too had a dream about two nights before he told me he wanted to cross. He had myolopathy. In my dream I was at the vets but NOT in her usual consulting room. I was in another one to the side. And I came out without Jacques, but there was a litter of new born pups in the waiting room. I woke up crying my eyes out and went for a walk to calm myself. As I was walking I heard the name ZEUS so clearly in my head the voice said "Zeus will be the name of your new puppy". I said, mentally, I don't want a new puppy I want Jacques to get better. The voice literally bellowed at me and repeated what it had already said.
On the Sunday, Jacques told me his time had come. Rang the vets, forgetting it was Sunday and they only had one vet and nurse on duty, crying my eyes out. They were so understanding, I didn't even have to say the dreaded words. LOng story short, we went into the surgery to the left (not Rachel's normal one, fortunately she was on duty) and when we came out there was a litter of new born puppies. Even crying like mad, who could pass by newborns?. The young fellow asked it I would like one, as their birth was an accident (the Mom had come into season too soon, got out and well, always a willing entire dog around). I said yes, before I even KNEW what breed they were. He picked out one who was born in the car on the way to the vets at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME JACQUES CROSSED. Of course, I was planning on a girl and here was this beautiful little boy, hadn't got a name chosen for a boy, so asked what his Mom's name was and, maybe you've already guessed it, her name was ZEUS (seems someone got their Greek Gods in a muddle) but what else could I call my new baby but Zeus?
I am so glad you're open to it all, I have to say I am a firm believer have had too much evidence to the contrary. Animals have souls and the love bond isn't broken when they cross the Bridge
