*sigh* I Hate It When I Have To Do This.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic & Chit Chat' started by threenorns, May 7, 2013.

  1. threenorns Well-Known Member

    okay, to clarify one thing: hubbie, for as long as anybody has known him, has hated dogs and is very very afraid of them. he's okay (ish) with dandy but dandy still frightens him when he gets into one of his hyper states.

    today, though, we were walking along the sidewalk and a couple was there with their two miniature poodles. ganesh not only did not walk off the sidewalk and halfway across the road to pass, but he even bent down and gave one of them a quick pat.

    it really broke my heart to tell him it's not a good idea to pat a dog, esp a micromutt, from behind when they're not even aware you're there because they've been focussing on their owner.

    i tried to be positive about it: "i was really happy when i saw you sneak that pat! that's amazing! and i know you liked how soft that dog's fur is.... just... next time you want to pat a dog, it's a good idea to kind of let it become aware of your presence instead of just sort of swooping down on them like that. eagles, you know."
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  2. brody_smom Experienced Member

    Good thing it didn't turn around and bite him! What possessed him to pat a strange dog in the first place, if he hates them and is so afraid of them?

    My husband is the same way, actually. He had been bitten by two different german shepherds on two different occasions as a teenager. Now he will "tolerate" the presence of a dog in the house, even talk to them, but will not make physical contact. When Brody comes up to him, he will pull his hands up to his chin and turn his face to the ceiling. With Brody I can somewhat understand, because he is a nipper. Our previous dog was 7 years old when we got her. She was the sweetest thing on four legs, and she really wanted Charlie to love her. After 5 years, he still didn't touch her once, even on the morning before we had her put down and we were all hugging her and crying. He just sat on the sofa and watched.
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  3. threenorns Well-Known Member

    aw, i'm so sorry to hear about your poor dog waiting like that. sounds to my like your hubbie, unlike mine, is a suppresser - men already have problems expressing emotion and when it's a dog, they can be somewhat withheld and remote because they know the dog will not be around long and they can't cope. my ex was like that - he wouldn't even bring his dog to the vet - i had to take her all by myself for her final journey, i had to bury her myself, and i had to build her memorial (a raised bed of purple iris, same ones she used to love lying in at the front of the house - i split them and transplanted a bunch) by myself. it was *weeks* before he went down to the end of the property and only because he had to cut the grass.

    your hubbie's experience, while undeniably traumatic, was not as bad as mine - he was in his 20s before he came to canada from trinidad. up here, we fuss about stray dogs. down there, pretty much ALL strays are feral - they roam in packs and are known to stalk and prey on schoolchildren. ganesh and his friend were on their way home from school and the next thing they knew, three dogs came out of nowhere. ganesh was the younger and the smaller of the two and hence the slowest getting up a palm tree. he's got scars on the back of his thigh just below his buttock where they were trying to pull him down out of the tree.

    he's got a foul, nasty attitude and mouth to match but as much as he loudly protests and carries on about how much he hates dogs and as much as he yells at dandy to get back downstairs when i'm around, the sweetest sight i ever saw through the window while piling firewood was dandy lying on the floor, full attention alertly on ganesh who was sitting on the couch with his feet drawn up watching him nervously. then ganesh put his hand down tentatively but when dandy lurched forward in a crawl, ganesh pulled back up on the couch - dandy froze. this continued until ganesh finally reached down and touched the top of dandy's head with just his fingertips and i could see how surprised he was at the softness. dandy tried to lick his hand and that scared ganesh again so again dandy froze, tail wagging softly, until he reached forward and, with just the tip of his tongue, licked ganesh's ankle.

    anyway, i couldn't stand around all night much as i wanted to but the next time ganesh came to visit his daughter, he brought a full shopping bag of soup bones - enough to carry dandy for over a month!

    ever since then, there's been a distinct - if glacial-paced - thaw. he's still scared of big dogs and doesn't believe me when i tell him it's the little ones you have to watch carefully bec they're more likely to be badly managed and, as a result, ill-tempered. he's just thinking "little dog = little threat".

    so he's probably been working himself up for weeks to do it and when he saw a dog that seemed safe, he grabbed the chance.

    that's why i was so upset about having to ask him not to do that again. it was such a milestone for him.

    [wait'll he finds out the kind of dog i REALLY want: irish wolfhound!]
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  4. brody_smom Experienced Member

    Charlie actually grew up in the Philippines, where they eat dogs. There are street vendors there that sell some dish made from dog meat, and tourists can get a certificate saying they ate dog. Most Filipinos I know are not comfortable with dogs as, like most Asian countries, there is little regulation and lots of strays who potentially carry diseases. But his bites happened here in Canada.
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  5. threenorns Well-Known Member

    oh, that would explain it then, wouldn't it? my sister's in-laws are all from Manila but they went the other way - dog bonkers, the lot of them, and the larger and showier, the better, lol.
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  6. MaryK Honored Member

    Yes I know how you were placed, I had to do the same thing with someone who was totally petrified of dogs. I think you handled it really well!(y)
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  7. brody_smom Experienced Member

    I find that with some of the Indian immigrants here. One family in a townhouse near us has 3 bull mastiffs! Talk about extreme swing of the pendulum!
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